I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
