somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
