Don't make out with my wife yet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
