she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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