I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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