was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
