I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
