There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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