The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
