No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
