...so i touched it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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