DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
