I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
