how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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