You don't have asthma, your pregnant
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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