the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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