when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
