4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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