Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize