so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He did a backflip because drugs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
