I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
