That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
