im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
