I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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