she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
