I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
