you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
