Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
