I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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