So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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