I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
