i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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