I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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