Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
