Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
