its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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