we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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