so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
