I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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