Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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