The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
