please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
