**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
