My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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