I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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