I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Congratulations! We have a period
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