I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're a waste of cheezeits
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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