he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
