Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
