I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
