My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
