I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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