When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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