Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
