first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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