My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
