we have officially lost it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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