I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
