I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
