he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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