I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
