i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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