the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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