While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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