Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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