he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
