Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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