He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
