If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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