Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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