so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
