we're blogging at a bar
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i love accidental penises.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
