i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
