Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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