Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
