wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
