"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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