I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
